The decision as a woman to take control of your fertility is an empowering one.
It might be perceived by others as a hard path to choose – and it may even be a daunting one at first, but the rewards of a longed for child are so incredibly worth it.
The majority of SMC’s say that it is the best decision they ever made, and many women wish they could have had the strength to “go it alone”.
That being said, SMCs face unique challenges and emotional discussions surrounding such highly personal topics as family structure, parenting roles, and how they ‘ended up’ where they are—the not-so-subtle implication being, of course, that single motherhood must have come about by fault, not design.
Luckily, more and more books get released every year celebrating the joy of being an SMC and preparing women for their decision – and here are 5 of my absolute favourites.
1. Going Solo by Genevieve Roberts
Single, 37, and reeling in the wake of two miscarriages, Genevieve discovers her fertility is not as strong as she would have hoped – so resolutely embarks on motherhood solo.
Becoming pregnant through sperm donation, she experiences initial apprehension at the prospect of childbirth without the support of a partner, as well as a degree of anxiety about the responsibility she’s taking on.
With wry wit and disarming frankness, Genevieve recounts every milestone of her pregnancy that many of her peers were experiencing with a partner: antenatal classes, birthing workshops, pregnancy yoga class.
Yet at every juncture she meets equally strong women, and slowly comes to realise that she may be an SMC—but she’s neither lonely nor alone.
Genevieve’s ultimate triumph is meeting her daughter.
She reminisces about those whirlwind first months of motherhood, navigating love, worry, and fatigue as the reality of life with a newborn and without a partner hits home.
As she immerses in the beautiful simplicity of the relationship with her daughter, Going Solo reminds any reader whose life has ever taken an unexpected twist of what can happen when you decide to take back agency over your life.
Click here to buy Going Solo
2. Finding Our Families by Wendy Kramer and Naomi Cahn, J.D.
Subtitled A First-of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and Their Families, this book is not aimed directly at SMBCs, but nevertheless makes for a valuable resource for any woman who’s undertaken this journey.
Finding Our Families contends that every child has the right to know about their genes, a concept that will resonate with many an SMC.
Moreover, the book covers such complex subjects as supporting your child’s curiosity about where they came from, how to help them foster a healthy self-image, filling in their medical history, and where to find diblings for them—that is, donor siblings.
Wendy Kramer is not without her detractors. Wendy runs the excellent Donor Sibling Registry which does a superb job of matching donor siblings.
Wendy does have very strong views on the kinds of information that we should share with our donor conceived children, and the kinds of things we should do to support them.
It may be that her opinions in this book do not chime with your own.
Click here to buy Finding Our Families
3. Helping the Stork by Carol Frost Vercollone and Heidi and Robert Moss
This one is a must-read for every would-be SMC considering donor insemination.
Authored by three medical professionals and subtitled The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination, Helping the Stork collates invaluable information laid out to support not only SMCs but also their loved ones.
Together they work through the process of finding a donor, conception, and raising a donor-conceived child.
I am all for any book that supports women in making the right decision for their families, and this book helps immensely in the process of decision making and in choosing the right path for you.
Click here to buy Helping the Stork
If you’re also looking for some awesome books for the children of SMCs, I’ve laid out 5 of my favourite stories about kids who have been fostered or adopted by single mothers by choice.
4. Single Mothers by Choice by Jane Mattes
If you’re going to buy one book on SMBC’ing, make sure it’s this hefty tome.
Jane Mattes is a bona fide inspiration and the founder of Single Mothers by Choice, an organisation supporting women of every background who’ve made the brave decision to go it alone with their maternity.
Mattes effortlessly illustrates how to deal with strangers’ ‘daddy questions’, explores the pregnancy-vs-adoption conversation without bias, and introduces readers to a myriad of support groups worldwide.
This is another great title whether you have already chosen to be an SMBC or are still considering it.
Click here to buy Single Mothers
5. The Complete Single Mother by Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness
Every mother who’s single, regardless of whether they chose to be an SMBC or not, will tell you there are many unique challenges in raising a child solo.
Fortunately, Andrea Engber covers every issue you can imagine, including dating, finances, and even the practicalities of getting out once in a while with your friends.
For my money, The Complete Single Mother is the quintessential book to dip into every time you’re in need of a little hard-won insight!
The very subtitles tell you all “Reassuring Answers To Your Most Challenging Concerns”.
